As i have moved closer to a personal dream of becoming involved
in birth arts work I have been noticing that there is a perspective out there
that women who are most qualified to be doulas and miswives are women
who have had children of their own. I completely understand where
this perspective comes from..it makes really obvious sense.
It challanges my own mind because I feel called to this work in
a very real and big way and I do not have children..i've never given
birth. And i am not sure that i ever will. I don't feel like this affects
my commitment or love or desire for this work...Of course there
will always be an element of birth i cannot tap into if i haven't
experianced it..or is there..?
any thoughts ladies..i've been chewing on this for months
and would love to hear other peoples persectives..ideas...
bevin
in birth arts work I have been noticing that there is a perspective out there
that women who are most qualified to be doulas and miswives are women
who have had children of their own. I completely understand where
this perspective comes from..it makes really obvious sense.
It challanges my own mind because I feel called to this work in
a very real and big way and I do not have children..i've never given
birth. And i am not sure that i ever will. I don't feel like this affects
my commitment or love or desire for this work...Of course there
will always be an element of birth i cannot tap into if i haven't
experianced it..or is there..?
any thoughts ladies..i've been chewing on this for months
and would love to hear other peoples persectives..ideas...
bevin
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Los Angeles
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Re: childless doulas and midwives...
Thu, April 3, 2008 - 1:22 PMI am a heterosexual man, who enjoys working with pregnant ladies. I do an energizing and relaxing variant of Thai Yoga Massage. I am learning birth arts. There is a tradition for men to assist in the birth process... just as there's a tradition for childless women working with the birth process. Of course you can get additional perspective and dimension and empathy and compassion by having undergone birthing your own self. Still, there are many talented and feeling and able practicioners out there without that experience. Go for it when you may. Good Luck.
briggi!
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Re: childless doulas and midwives...
Thu, April 3, 2008 - 3:13 PMmy very talented midwife had no children at the time of my son's birth. she is now pregnant, but it never even occured to me that she lacked a certain personal knowledge of the inner workings of labor. i trusted her just the same because she had attended well over 60 births by then. i really feel that if your heart is in it, then do it! we need more women in the birth profession who really want to be there for the sake of loving it. i would rather have a passionate, childless woman by my side who really wanted to support me than some sterile stranger who was only there because they had to be.
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Re: childless doulas and midwives...
Fri, April 4, 2008 - 5:29 PMI have the same thoughts. I want to go to midwifery school, but i feel that i cannot truly offer the support without having been through the pregnancy birth and postpartum journey. i feel that for me I need the experience to be able to see the situation from the mothers perspective and know how to be 100% therapeutic to her needs. But then i think that everyone is so different anyway, that maybe it doesnt matter and as long as I stay passionate about what i am doing i can be a wonderful support and guiding light. Then i fear that if i do go ahead and have a baby before starting school, then life will get too crazy and expensive to actually go to school. I think about this almost everyday. I think that if you feel the call to this work, then go ahead give a try. I think not having being through it, makes me more curious about the journey -so this is an excellent motivator for furthering my education. -
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Re: childless doulas and midwives...
Sat, April 5, 2008 - 12:28 AMi think it's a matter of emotional intelligence and working with energy. as a woman who hasn't experienced childbirth yet, i still feel capable of labor sitting and attending births with compassion and awareness. i think that we can call on our own compassion and experience with other types of pain to relate to women in labor and birthing. i guess this has never been an issue for me because i was trained as a nurse and to take care of people during all kinds of suffering and infirmity and i never felt like i had to have had cancer to care for someone who had cancer ...not to say that pregnancy is a pathology (!), but perhaps you catch my drift. plus, sisterhood runs very deep. i know that after i have my own child i will care differently for laboring and birthing woman, but i don't think that it means i am inadequate for the job at all. it's not about being sympathetic (seeing someone else's suffering from your perspective), it's about being empathic (seeing suffering from their perspective). without fail, my moms always ask me, do you have kids? and i know what they are asking me. have you done this? can you relate to what is happening here to me? did you survive and can you help me do the same? i know they would rather have me than the burnt out nurse who has 4 kids, but just wishes she would get an epidural and take a nap.
with labor, i feel like, you want someone in there helping who wants to ride the wave with her. it takes a certain type of person who has the energy for birth or, really, who gets energy from doing the work because you love it and can step out of the way (of yourself) in order to say the right things and touch in the right way and work with her energy and the energy dynamics in the room. plus, it takes brains and good judgement. i feel like if you are meant to be there, the more natural childbirth you witness and the more you encourage women to trust themselves, the emotional work of being a birth keeper reveals itself. does that make sense to you? -
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Re: childless doulas and midwives...
Sat, April 5, 2008 - 12:29 AMit also requires good knees... -
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Re: childless doulas and midwives...
Sat, April 5, 2008 - 9:20 AMyes pia it does make sense...thank you all for your thoughts. -
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Re: childless doulas and midwives...
Sat, April 5, 2008 - 11:11 AMThank you for the question and all the great responses.
I've been pondering this as well.
A local doula I spoke to was so excited that I'd read "Spiritual Midwifery" w/o being pregnant and told me the childless thing doesn't matter, that we just need more people who are pulled to it!
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Re: childless doulas and midwives...
Mon, April 7, 2008 - 6:59 PMI'm a labor doula and don't have a child, yet. I really understand how you feel, but it doesn't matter at all!!! It all depends on how much love you have. That's it. Better focus on your passion, not how other people think of you. Love and Light to you! -
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Re: childless doulas and midwives...
Tue, April 8, 2008 - 9:33 PMi totally agree that it doesn't matter. Every birth is so unique, even if I had had a baby, that doesn't mean my experience would better inform me about my client's totally different experience. I feel thankful that at this point I haven't had children yet, because I don't have to arrange for last minute childcare in the middle of the night when I get called to a birth, and when I come home exhausted, it is only myself I have to take care of. When I eventually do have children I 'm sure it will affect my doula and midwifery skills in terms of empathy, but not much else. Some people don't feel this way, and they want a doula/midwife who has had babies. That is fine, that just means we are not going to work together.
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Re: childless doulas and midwives...
Sun, April 13, 2008 - 1:38 PMI'm in the same boat as you... I do not foresee children in my future, but I feel called to help women bring wanted children into this world in a natural way... I fear that I won't be seen as legitimate. -
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Re: childless doulas and midwives...
Sun, April 13, 2008 - 6:13 PMa desire to have children of one's own does not a midwife make. as long as you have a genuine passion for protecting the sanctity of natural birth, i don't see why you would be discriminated against. but then again, i do know of women who only want a mother for a midwife or doula. -
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Re: childless doulas and midwives...
Thu, May 1, 2008 - 5:00 PMIn a nut shell.
Some mothers are rubbish midwives
Some midwives are not mothers and rubbish midwives
however
Some great midwifes are mother
and some fantastic midwives are not mothers!
i think you should go for it, your heart is telling you to do it and to be honest if you havent giving birth yourself it can be a positive thing too as you dont have your own ideas about what it was like for you to cloud your judgement! hhhmmm does that make sense?!?! -
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Re: childless doulas and midwives...
Tue, May 6, 2008 - 12:59 PMTraditionally the women who supported other women through childbirth as midwives and birth assistants (the original doulas) were either women without children, or women who's children had grown up and they were now grandmothers. This is because it is much harder to support women at any time of day and any legnth of time when you have small children. For mothers to be birth workers it takes a strong support system to provide childcare and understanding and family support while on an erratic schedule.
I believe that if you feel called to sere women in the birth year - then do it! Because women and babies need you, we need more people - men and women - mothers, grandmothers, and women without children of their own - to recognize that we are all one family - one humanity - and we need to support each other for the future of our civilization.
I started working as a birth doula before I had my own child, and it was a lot easier to provide birth support when I didn't have my own child. Being a birth doula, also gave me so much valuable knowledge and connections to support me when I did have my own son. As a mother, I have relied upon my family and support system to care for my son so that I can provide birth doula services still, but that has not always been possible depending upon my relationships, job schedules, etc. So if you have the time, support, and means to serve birthing women now then do it!
Also, every women's birth experience is different, and just because a women has experienced birth does not mean that her experience will be similar to another women's. It is very important for mothers to not superimpose their birth experiences upon the women they are serving, as mothers it is vital to fully process your birth experience before supporting others in order to be clear, open, and non-judgemental and not make assumptions.
I know many fabulous doulas and midwives who are not mothers!
Does you intuition and heart tell you that this is the path for you? Then take it!
I also recommend Birth Arts International educational programs - www.birtharts.com
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Re: childless doulas and midwives...
Sat, July 12, 2008 - 3:41 PMhi, im a labor and delivery nurse, i feel i am ::here:: to work with and help my mamas and babies.. i love what i do. its my passion.
however, i am ::not:: planning on having children of my own.
hmmm..
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Re: childless doulas and midwives...
Wed, July 16, 2008 - 2:14 AMa friend of mine told me she was at a conference and someone asked who in the crowd were mothers, stand up, and they were applauded and honoured. She then asked who in the crowd are not mothers and, sheepishly, the childless midwives and doulas stood up. The speaker then went on to say that these women should be especially reveared because they are drawn to a very powerful path without having even experienced it themselves!! It takes a special kind of woman to feel drawn to birth before or without ever going through it themselves.
There are advantages to having childless midwives our doulas, such as:
- they are more available because they don't have little ones waiting on them at home, therefore they can devote so much love and attention (i know it can be hard for some who have to save SOME energy for their families!). You can call them day and night and know that very little will be in the way for them to get to you.
- they will never impose their own birth experience onto yours - if she had an easy birth there might be some implication that yours was difficult for some reason that she was free from... if she had a hard birth she might paint an intimidating picture for you... I've never heard of this happening but I have heard many women say it's nice not to have any personal impressions from their mw or doula
- you might inspire them to have their own through your amazing experience and wonderful babies!
- they might be more open to different ways of financial compensation since they are free from the financial responsibilities of supporting a family
and on and on...
i too have *yet* to have children but am so tuned with babies from all my work as a midwife and doula. I feel like it is fine-tuning me so when my wee wuns come I will embrace the role wholeheartedly. but I sure am making good use of all my free time while it lasts!! -
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Re: childless doulas and midwives...
Thu, July 31, 2008 - 1:04 PMI love how this thread is still rolling. So many great perspectives.. and in the short time since
i posted from many gathered experiances i feel very convicted of my choices and have a clear
idea of where i stand.
mandai, thank you for your eloquence.
b
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