whew...this is a hardone.

where I live, the primary care clinic has a program providing volunteer labor supportt o women who can't afford doulas, and it;s eally good...I used to work with them.you aren't a hospital employee so you get to be there for the woman the way a private doula wold...buty ou KNOW you are volunteering.

sounds like a communication breakdown. the mother should have been clear with yo in saying either,"I can;tafford to pay someone, and I wonder to what extent you can volunteer" or" I can only afford to pay so much especially if I'm hiring a midwife separately;will this work for you?"

and you should l have said,"I need to take time off work after so many hours so is there a way you can pay me?"or" I can volunteer up to a point but I willneed to arrange backups o if I get called back to work someone can take over for me?"

it spunds tomelike there was nomeeting of theminds on this, and sending a bill or the verbal equivalent will result in some hurt feeling sallaround.

MAYBE one way to approach iti to send her a closure card,saying, "it was really great being able to share a beautiful birth experience with you and your family wishing you the best for a wonderful family life together" you will be modeling appreciation,and it's possible she will respond i n kind.
my guess is she doesn't have much money. in an ideal world,she would have made what she could and could not afford at the outset, and you could have made an informed choice about what you could and could not offer her. she's probably not unappreciative so much as overwhelmed by everything before her now...rigors of being a younger single mother,any feelings about the absent father,bills to pay,lack of sleep,all that.

experience has taught me that people are really different in recognizing other people's efforts. I have friends who wouldn;'t dream of going to someone's house for dinner without bringing (a dessert,loaf of bread, bottle of wine,vegetarian dish if they are themselves vegetarian,just something!)or doing the dishes,and know others who seem to be placing more and more requests that border on demands on people. usually this is a maturity thing.


it may be that all you can get from your young mother is a "thank yo..it was beautiful!"or maybe she does a craft or a service she would like to offer as a closure gift too

it just sounds like you need to be clear with YOURSELF first as to whether you need to be compensated and in what way, and discuss this with anyone who approaches you about assisting at a birth.

I decided not to try to make my livng off of birth work partly because of this exact issue. I was also in the position of barely affording the midwives I hired when my baby was born at home,and when my good friend who did doula work was sort of hustling a birth with me (she said she"never gets to the home births) I told her I was grateful for her companionship but honestly didn't feel I could afford to pay her doula fees too.she was there,for free, as my friend and main support person. it could have led to trouble if we hadn't been straight with each other about it. we've had other communication issues over the twenty or so years we've known each other,but this one wasn't a problem.

different kind of complications whenit'ssomeonewithwhomyoudon't ahve that prior relationship...sounds likeleqrning stuff allaround.

peace,judith

with someone you

i think this is an issue for many of us doulas starting out. for me, it is coming to the realisation that what i have to offer the pregnant/labouring/new to mothering woman is valuable. i am willing to bet that pretty much every doula goes through this process! personally, i would chalk this one up to, like judith said, a communication breakdown. i probabally would not persue the issue, knowing what it is like being a young and broke new mom, that is just one more thing for her to worry about. however, i would do my best to avoid this happening in the future, by discussing payment, reimbursement of costs incurred by myself, or the bartering thing, before the birth or giving any services to the mother other than the initial meet and greet. i think its awesome that you already feel the worth of your time and knowledge!!!